


Another One of Those Nights

by dimasilaw



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Midori has anxiety, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimasilaw/pseuds/dimasilaw
Summary: It’s one of those bad nights for Midori. He’s scared, confused, and sad all at once.Good thing he isn’t alone.
Relationships: Sengoku Shinobu/Takamine Midori
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Enstars Rarepair Week





	Another One of Those Nights

Midori wakes up in a cold sweat. It beads on his forehead and runs down in rivulets like rain on a windowpane.

_ Another one of those dreams again, huh? _

He knows that kind of dream far too well. The ones where he’s stuck in the middle of a circle of people in that vast, white oasis that he calls his dream world. The ones where they call him the vile names he’d never dare repeat, the ones that he’d be kicked out of a class if he said out loud. The ones where the people he loves most—Ryuseitai, and then some—reject him and tell him they don’t love him in horrible sentences he fails to recall once he wakes up.

The ones where he wakes up sweating bullets, his heart racing a thousand miles per hour. Blood pounds in his ears. He can feel his chest mounting with all the pressure in the world, his lungs failing to push out air. He’s being choked by the force of everything and nothing at the same time.

_ Another one of those attacks again, huh? _

He’s aware of his surroundings. Save for the green and yellow nightlights in the corners of the room, the night is pitch-black. He fumbles around with fingers that are the exact opposite of deft to make sure Shinobu is still lying in bed next to him. He is. Nothing’s happened. He hasn’t left him yet. The digital clock on the wooden shelf in front of their fluffy, velvety bed flashes 3:51 a.m.

Pins and needles climb up Midori’s body. He heats up. The sweat runs faster. And somehow, he’s hot and cold at the same time. The air-conditioning pricks his skin like a thousand little needles, but for some reason (read: thanks to that anxiety) his body is burnt by an invisible fire that scours his person for any hint of happiness and comfort, aiming to burn it to the ground like it’s done everything in his life.

_ Another one of those nights again, huh? _

Midori shakes Shinobu awake, face contorted into a vague frown and eyes dropped wide open. A state of panic sets in. “Please wake up. I’m dying.”

Shinobu rolls over, still groggy. “Huh? No...what?”

He clutches his chest, struggling to get a breath out. “It’s happening again.”

“You’re not dying, Midori-kun…” 

“I think I’m having a heart attack,” he pleads.

Shinobu sits up, lifting himself off the bed with his hands.“Come on, tell me what happened,  _ de gozaru. _ ”

“I had one of those dreams again. Now I’m having a heart attack.”

Midori knows Shinobu knows what to do. But Midori’s not sure himself what  _ he’s  _ supposed to do. Sit there and panic? It’s not like he can help it. But he shouldn’t be so helpless, should he? No. No, this was okay.

“Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Please do.”

Shinobu pulls a gentle arm around Midori’s shoulder. His small voice trembles. But to Midori’s ears, it sounds like the audio equivalent of a cute plush toy. “You aren’t having a heart attack,  _ de gozaru _ . This ninja is certain you aren’t dying! You’re just having a panic attack, Midori-kun.”

“How do I know that? And how do I know you’re not going to leave?” Midori doubles over, holding his throbbing stomach. He’s not sure what aches more—his body or his brain. “It hurts. It hurts so bad. Everything is painful.”

“I’m not gonna leave you. A ninja never leaves anyone in need.” He rolls off the bed, his standing figure illuminated in the tiny green light. “Wait here, Midori-kun. I’m gonna get you an ice cube!”

He dashes through the room and runs out the door, presumably to the kitchen. Midori tries his hardest to sit up straight and take deep breaths. He blows an oily brown strand of hair away from his face. He squeezes his eyes shut. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

The door slams open, then slams closed. He opens his eyes. Shinobu rushes into the room, an ice cube in his hand. He tips his body over the bed. “Open your mouth, Midori-kun.”

He obeys. Shinobu drops something frigid inside. There’s a small, cold ice cube in his mouth now. He knows what it’s supposed to do. Shock his body into focusing on the freeze on his tongue and the roof of his mouth; it’s true his body is screaming from the cold. But he can’t stop being anxious. His head is racing with a thousand thoughts. It almost competes with the rate at which his heart is beating.

“I don’t feel any better.”

A click. Shinobu opens the bedside lamp, and warm light sprays the room. The bed depresses next to Midori—Shinobu sitting beside him. The look of Shinobu’s frog-patterned pyjamas grows clearer to Midori’s eyes. The way his purple hair drapes over his eyes. The contours of his kind, smiling face.

Midori thinks for a second that he’s lucky, before his brain returns to doubt again.

_ What if he doesn’t love me? _

“Ah...so what can I do to help?” 

“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” he confesses, shaking his head. He hides his face in his hands. “Please just tell me it’s going to be okay.”

Shinobu takes Midori’s large, bony hand in his small, soft, thin hand. The feeling jolts Midori back to Earth, and his heart calms down. But his head can’t stop running. 

_ What if they don’t love me? _

_ What if what I’m feeling just isn’t real? _

_ What if  _ I’m  _ not real? _

_ What if I’m just faking it? _

_ What if I’m doomed to be like this forever? _

One breath after the other, and another and another and another and another and another. He’s breathing like he’s just run a marathon. He spits the ice cube out, freezing his lap and wetting it. Doesn’t matter.

“It’s gonna be okay, Midori-kun. You’re hyperventilating. Just keep on breathing. And slow it down.” He offers a reassuring, gentle smile. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m never gonna leave you. In fact, I’m gonna love you forever.”

Midori knows Shinobu knows what he’s afraid of. He’s confessed it time and time again. But no matter what, it always comes back. He slows down his breathing. A deep breath in, a deep breath out.

“What if it’s going to feel like this forever?”

“This is temporary. You’re gonna get better, and it’s surely gonna be nice. This attack won’t last long. You’re gonna feel calm soon.” He squeezes his hand. “Trust me, Midori-kun.”

“I’m not real. I’m not real. I’m not real.”

He shakes his head, eyes wide open. He yanks his hand out of Shinobu’s grasp and wraps his arms around himself, digging his long, sharp (read: neglected) nails into his shoulders. 

_ What if I only exist inside somebody’s mind? What if I’m stuck in a nightmare, a time loop I can’t get out of? What if I’m not feeling these feelings? What if my thoughts become so incomprehensible I’m hardly able to live a day inside my head? What if I’m just a simulation, an experiment? What if my only personality is borne out of the hell I’ve been through, becoming merely a set of coping mechanisms I’ve created to defend myself from the seemingly lifelong anxiety? _

_ What if I’m not real? _

_ What if I’m not real? _

_ What if I’m not real? _

“You’re real to me.”

Midori’s in a daze. He lets his hands down slowly, unsure what direction he wants them to move in. He fidgets with his fingers, pushing one against the other. Shinobu holds him close, wrapping two arms around his neck and wrapping his legs around his waist. Midori’s sure he can hear his booming heartbeat. 

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

He scans the room and gets the striking feeling that everything is fake. The clock on the shelf looks woefully out of place, like it’s completely artificial. The books beside it look like they’re made of some dream material that can’t be touched. The bed both completely disappears under him and scratches against him even harder. It’s a contradiction of feelings that leaves him sitting on scratchy air. Everything is a mess. Too many colours. Too many shapes. The world is running away from him.

“I don’t feel real. I don’t know where I am.”

“Would Mr. Froggy help?” Shinobu suggests with a grin lighting up his face, one arm letting go and reaching for a beat-up, neon green frog plushie from the side of the bed. “This ninja knows he’s your favourite!”

Midori smiles, exhaling a massive sigh of relief. He grabs Mr. Froggy and hugs him to his pressured chest as Shinobu returns to their embrace. Shinobu leans his head on Midori’s shoulder, squishing Mr. Froggy between them. 

Midori takes a breath. And another. Both deep and slow. His heart slows down, and so does his head. His brain is mushy and a fog obscures his thoughts. His limbs are weak and his back aches, electric shocks flying up his spine.

But he’s home.

“I love Mr. Froggy.”

“I love Mr. Froggy too,” Shinobu says. “I’m glad you love him,  _ de gozaru.  _ Are you feeling any better?”

Pressure mounts in his chest. “A little.”

“Are you still panicking?” 

“No. I just feel insecure and sad now, thanks,” Midori grumbles.

He sighs. “How can I help?”

“You still like me, right?”

Midori lets go of Mr. Froggy since he’s squeezed between the two of them anyway. He pulls his arms around Shinobu’s back and digs his fingers into his silky pyjama shirt. This is a comforting feeling. The texture is nice.

“Not only do I like you, I love you,  _ de gozaru.  _ I wouldn’t trade being with you for the world!”

“...Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” He chuckles. “I’m here for you because you’re the love of my life and I’d do anything to make sure you’re happy.”

Midori tightens his hug. “I’m real. I have a personality. I’m in our room, in our house. I know where I am. All pain is temporary, right?”

“That’s exactly right! You’re not gonna be in pain forever, Midori-kun.” A hand snakes up into Midori’s oily brown hair. Midori can feel Shinobu’s own satiny purple hair tickling his shoulder. “These come and go. And it really sucks while you’re having it, but it’s gonna end.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you,” he says, arms hanging loose on Shinobu’s back. 

“You’re not a burden. I love you so much, Midori-kun. Look at me!”

Midori tips his gaze up, his bottom lip jutted out and quivering. His brows are knitted. 

Shinobu keeps his legs firmly hooked around Midori and extends his arms out to the side. “I love you thiiiiis big!”

And Midori finds it in him to smile. Slowly, gently, but still a smile. He grins for the first time tonight. His smile is sweet honey, bright and mellow. “I love you too, Shinobu-kun.”

He feels so loved.

“You must be tired. Are you alright going back to sleep, or do you wanna stay up a little while longer?”

Midori relaxes his shoulders. “I’m really tired. I think I want to try sleeping again.”

Shinobu grips Midori’s arm lightly. “You’re not scared of the usual dream?” he asks tentatively.

Huh? Midori’s mouth drops open. “Wait, I told you about that?”

“You told me last time you had a panic attack.” He laughs. “I doubt you’ll remember this tomorrow morning either.”

“No, no,” he exhales, “I’ll still remember what happened after. That was remarkably brief anyway. Don’t worry; I can’t forget affection.”

“Yeah, this one was certainly short. I’m glad for that. I hope you keep getting them less and less.”

“Eh. I’m going to have to talk to Doc about that next time I see her. For now, I can be happy I’m with you and that you’re here to help me.”

Shinobu sets his hands on Midori’s chest and pushes him down, tackling him onto the bed. He straddles him and leans in down to press a quick kiss to his lips. Then, he rests his body on Midori’s, their calm heartbeats sounding together. “I’m here for you no matter what. Always. Just hammer that into your brain that I’ll always be around to help you.”

Midori’s lips feel fuzzy and slick. He giggles, almost involuntarily. 

_ I’m thankful for the brevity of this attack. _

_ I’m thankful for my beloved’s unending support. _

_ I’m thankful for my slow, but sure recovery. _

Shinobu rests his head in the crook of Midori’s arm. They’re close. Midori feels the warmth of Shinobu’s body next to him. Midori hears the rhythmic breathing of the person he loves the most. Midori sees Mr. Froggy, who was tossed to the side when Midori lay down. And he feels like he’s finally where he needs to be.

Home.

“Good night, Shinobu-kun. I love you.”

“Good night.”

Midori laughs. “Hold on, one of us has to close the light.”

Shinobu stretches his arms. “We’ll sleep with it on.”

“No way.”

Midori fumbles for the bedside lamp and hits the off switch. The room is dark again.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“I love you, Midori-kun. You deserve every last bit of love you get.”

_ I deserve every last bit of love I get. _

_ I am loved by the people around me. _

_ I am going to get better.  _

“Good night, Shinobu-kun.”

“Good night, Midori-kun. And one last time—I love you.”

He smiles from ear to ear, knowing Shinobu can’t see. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi Rae, Jame, and Mary. I love you all : )
> 
> P.S. even if it’s not in the tags this time, Shinobu still totally has Tourette’s. Fuck you if you thought I’d ever write it otherwise.
> 
> as always, end state fascism and oppose charter change. never forget to be angry and never forget to be vigilant.
> 
> but as always, remain kind.


End file.
